काय लिहू ?... bore जालय....
मालिनी राजुर्कारांचा बिलासखानी तोडी कानात चालू आहे ... सगळा संपत आल्यासारखा ... थेट तुम्बदाचे खोत किंवा वास्तुपुरुष च्या वातावारानाशी जोडणारा...
रिकामेपनाचे ,एकातेपनाचे गाने गाणारा... एकतेपना साधा नही ... कोणी तरी सोडून जावा ...सगल्यानीच सोडून जावा ॥ आणि मागे उरतो थोड़ा धुर .... आणि मवालातिच्या उजेडात दिसणारे कही जुने खांब आंणि अजुन भकास दिसणारा वालाका गवत.. आणि रात्रीचे ट्यूब च्या प्रकाशत दिसणारे खिडकीचे गज ....
शेवटी काय सगळा सारखाच ..पण त्याच्या आधी काय होता ?
सारखा कोरडा राहणा कसा जमेल .... always the hours between us.... viginia woolf बोलू लागते.....
पण तिला पण between us म्हणायला कोणीतरी होते ॥आणि मग ती सोडून गेली .... नाहीतर मग हे असेच सुर आइकू लागले असते .....
थंडी आजू बाजूला पसरू लागते .... आणि मग उगाचच वाटेत पडलेल्या भाजी सारखे सगले वाटू लागते ...
एखाद्या गाडीची ...पायाची वाट बघितल्या सारखे ... की कधी तरी त्यांनी यावा आणि संपव सगळा ...

रात्रि र गमिष्यति
भविष्यति सुप्रभातम
भास्वान उदेश्यती
हसिष्यति पंकज्श्री
इत्थं विचारयति कोषगाते द्विरेफे
हा हंत हंत नालिनिम गजं उज्जहरा

Starting..

So here is starting and i am already numb...
i don't know but i feel the way i feel...
I am numb about every thing.... at least for writing's sec...
am i really numb about everything?

oh forget it.... why answer questions..? let them be questions...
i'll just lay back... have some time off.. from all this..
but what i am actually doing is waiting.... waiting for unanswered questions to be become, i don't know....... more complicated, complex..?

all things are falling apart.... my personal life..professional too....
i am not in control of anything... and worst part is.. i know that i should control it.. but i am lazy...
but the real thing is .. accespting that doesn't solve the problem... rather it has become the problem... i've accepted it so.. now just lay back....


now see i am software developer... same old story.... not happy with the job... but then i don't know what else to do? do i?.. rather i think i won't be happy in any job at all...
Ohhh... but when it comes to defects in my code.. well i am very egoistic .. now tell me,
a person with no interest what so ever in what he is doing has the issues when some body finds out that he is not doing the perfect job... what shall we call it?
... ohh really i don't know.... everyone is pointing out my mistakes.. which i know i've done , but i am not ready to accept them.... it is becoming unbearable.... i feel like , i am not good at anything...

but then i've got those appreciation mails... i am screwing it... i am screwing it alll...

am i going to get promoted at least this time???????

i am not ready for yet another disappoitnment.... please i should switch... but what the f***** i am lazy.. i am numb......................