Identity

I've come to conclusion that to live a normal live or to function normally as human in this society you should establish an Identity. If your self identity (how do you perceive yourself) matches with what you are then you might be unhappy, but you have a reason to live.

But if your self identity does not match with the facts then you become more and more useless to live.

For a human being it is very important rather it is essential to identify yourself as male or female. If a person is able to successfully resolve this identity then life becomes livable.

I failed miserably to resolve this identity, rather i developed opposite identity. It looks very weird when i think of it or while i am writing down, but I've identified myself as female.

Maybe it was easy path to choose, maybe other men choose difficult path. I don't clearly see where i messed up. My friends, brothers turned out to be normal, then where did I go wrong?
I used to play with girls, i was close to my mother and grandmother, but so were my friends. When did I loose touch of reality?

Why it was difficult for me to play cricket? why i was afraid of it? Now when i think of it, i never really tried. I never played cricket in first place, I played but didn't enjoy it. I was afraid of boys. But i don't know why. What was the reason? What am I missing?

There are lots of questions. How did it happen? Why did it happen? Is there any solution to it?
What shall I do now?

And since I've lost all my hopes, after loosing my character as in i feel like everything i do is wrong and it has got wrong basis I am not sure whether there is any way out.